TEN RU-SPONSIBILITIES THAT DRAG RACE UK HAS TO ITS BRIT FANS, HENNY

Are you listening Mother Ru?!

 

 

Earlier this year, our Lord and saviour – or RuPaul, as she’s better known – answered the prayers of millions of Brits by FINALLY announcing that the global phenomenon Drag Race is coming to the United Kingdom. With its own UK version!

In the words of Baby Spice Emma Bunton herself… what took you so long?! For what feels like centuries, superfans have been practically begging our TV execs to commission a British version of the addictive competition. Even Jonathan Ross was campaigning for it at one point, putting himself forward as a judge – a straight male judge… on MY Drag Race? Never! – with Katie Price worryingly getting in on the discussions too. (No thanks.)

But who’d have thought – when the Emmy-winning reality programme eventually did find a home – it would end up on BBCIII, of all places? Still, draggers can’t be choosers. The first series of the hunt to find the United Kingdom’s next Drag Superstar – move over Lily Savage! – begins filming in March, with casting happening as we speak (!)

So let’s not waste any time in letting World of Wonder – who are still producing the show, with Ru judging, of course, alongside right-hand woman Michelle Visage – know exactly what we, the superfans, expect and DESERVE from British Drag Race. Please don’t fuck it up!

 

LONDON’S FIERCEST

Being London X, we have a duty to champion our own first. And it’s no secret that our fine capital city has some of the most talented drag queens in the world, strutting their stuff through Soho and – if brave – even Vauxhall.

One queen fans will definitely be keeping an eye out for is the infamous Meth, who has been a fixture on the London drag scene for some time now.

 

As one of the best-known names in the UK, it’s most likely a question of when, not if, she competes for the crown. DJ and showbiz personality Jodie Harsh is also already affiliated with World of Wonder, so if she’s not competing, she’ll still probably be involved in the extravaganza in some way, no doubt. Comedic heavyweight La Voix has appeared on Britain’s Got Talent and in the Absolutely Fabulous movie, so it makes sense that she’ll be lining up to showcase her biting humour in the work room. And the name of popular London-fixture Baga Chipz has been on everybody’s salty lips since the announcement. So there’s certainly no shortage of worthy competitors in London, that’s for sure. Gentlemen, get your Oyster cards out. And may the best woman… WIN.

 

FULL UNITED KINGDOM REPRESENTATION

 

However, we don’t want to see London become the New York of Drag Race UK. (You know Drag Race US – feels weird calling it that, but hey ho – hasn’t had a winner that wasn’t from NYC since season seven’s Violet Chachki in 2015. Tut tut.) So we of course want to see representation outside of the capital. And fortunately for talent bookers, there’s oodles of it.

Scotland’s Mary Mac – who promises “laughs and plenty of haggis” – is being touted as a potential sickening addition already, and can already count season five winner Jinkx Monsoon – who she bears a striking resemblance to – among her friends.

Alternative queen Cheddar Gorgeous has been freaking out the Manchester scene for a while now with her sickening looks. (Sometimes literally sickening.) Could she be the UK’s answer to Sharon Needles?

But fellow Manchester performer, Alexis Stone – known for extraordinary makeup skills and celebrity illusions – revealed that she “kindly declined” the show, because she’s not “a competitive person.” That’s Snatch game’s loss, surely?!

Still, there are plenty of queens just itching to get on the show, which is guaranteed catapult them into new levels of fame, overnight.

 

SNATCH GAME

Speaking of Snatch Game, we can’t WAIT to see what stars get represented on the Drag Race challenge staple. First things first, if someone doesn’t do Gemma Collins AKA The GC, it will be – just like the Towie star’s curves – a huge waste. (Waist, get it? Too Far?)

The thought of someone dressed as The GC yelling ‘I’m sick of playing stupid games!’ during Snatch Game already smells like a win, right? Other perfect choices would be: Big Brother tantrum-thrower Nikki Graham, Joanna Lumley – played as Ab Fab’s Patsy, obvs – Miranda Hart, Dame Edna and – why not? – Princess Diana. Now that would be car crash TV. Too soon?!

 

RU-NION JACK

Everyone’s expecting Drag Race UK to bring the humour, that’s not of concern. But what about the fashion? Will we be able to compete with our American cousins on the runway? Will we have looks that rival the likes of Raja, Violet, Kim Chi and Aquaria? Names already mentioned, like Meth and Cheddar Gorgeous, suggest we can slay the runway just as hard.

But let’s hope that we bring a British fashion flair to proceedings, as well.

And if someone doesn’t wear a Union Jack dress at some point during the first series then we’ll riot harder than London in 2011.

Other quintessential UK looks that need featuring: Kate Middleton’s wedding dress, Annie Lennox illusion and someone dressing up like a cup of tea. Now that’s the tea.

 

RUPAUL AND MICHELLE VISAGE TRYING UK ACCENTS? NAH, MATE

We can see it happening already. If there’s one thing Americans find funny that we don’t, it’s their attempts to emulate our British accent, which always goes one of two ways. Either impersonating the actual Queen: ‘Would ONE like a tea, sir?’ Or Dick Van Dyke Cockney geezer, my ol’ china.

Let it be known. The only queens we want to see on Drag Race UK are the drag queens.

Ru, Michelle, leave the British accents for the dressing room. Please.

 

CHARLIE HIDES BACK FROM THE DEAD?

It’s already being rumoured. Yes, just like at any nightclub in London, there’s a good chance of getting Charlie. Sniff sniff.

Despite a poor effort on season nine – with the lip sync flop that went down in herstory for all the wrong reasons, ironically to ‘I Wanna Go’ – sushi-maker Charlie could be set for a Ru-demption. The seasoned pro remains the only British drag queen to perform on the US race. And, admittedly, was turning fierce looks before that elimination. And Dame Charlie didn’t even get to show her Joan Rivers Snatch Game, for Pete’s sake! Don’t be surprised to see the veteran star cast on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK season one, to bridge the US and UK versions nicely.

Let’s just hope her rib doesn’t get broken again if she does compete though. Come on, Charlie. MOVE!

 

AN EXPLOSIVE UNTUCKED

Let’s face it, in recent years, Untucked has gone downhill on Drag Race US. Yes, thanks to season two and All Stars 1 fan fave Jujubee, (hic hic,) producers put a limit on how can many cocktails the queens could consume on the show, which had a big impact on the drama levels in everyone’s favourite spin off. That, and the fact queens are now way more wary of social media than in the glory days of early seasons (‘Sugardaddy?!’) has meant Untucked is more of a snoozefest of late.

But could that all change on the UK version? Unlike Americans, we can handle our drink. Mostly. And no one likes to read and throw shade quite like British queens.

So, we could be heating up for some of the biggest fights this country has seen since… well, Brexit.

Bring it on!

 

 

BRIT CLASSIC LIP SYNC SONGS

Oh, the possibilities! Top choices: Kate Bush – Wuthering Heights, Little Mix – Power, Amy Winehouse – Rehab, Spice Girls – Say You’ll Be There, Kylie – Spinning Around, Sugababes – Freak Like Me. Steps – Tragedy. Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart. ABBA – ANYTHING. (The US show has never had an ABBA song as a lip sync for your life. Someone working there should have to sashay away for that omission, surely?)

 

FABULOUS UK GUEST STARS

Again, the prospects are tantilizing. The most obvious choice would be Paul O’Grady, also known as legendary UK drag queen Lily Savage, who also would have been a prime candidate to host the show, if Ru were willing to share the spotlight with another drag queen. However, Paul has repeatedly bashed the show in the past, and has expressed no interest in being involved.

Stars who are, however, chomping at the bit to guest judge so far include Cheryl, (‘that death drop genuinely made us cry, pet,’) Little Mix, (Jade Thirwall is one of the show’s biggest superfans,) and even daytime queen Lorraine Kelly.

Guest judges we think NEED to be booked are: Alan Carr, Graham Norton – who already impressed on the US panel – Geri Halliwell (or Horner, whatever, following on fellow Spice Girls Emma Bunton and Mel B who’ve been on the American race,) The GC, Dawn French, Dame Maggie Smith – she originated the language, you know – Boy George and Piers Morgan. OK, scratch the last one…

 

 

BRTISH CATCHPHRASES

Can you imagine the weird and wonderful catchphrases we’re going to get?

Instead of Adore Delano’s ‘Party!’ We could have ‘Buffet!’

Instead of Alaska’s ‘Hiiiiiieeeeee.’ We could have ‘Y’alreeeeeeeeeeeeeet?’

Bianca Del Rio’s Judge Judy impression, ‘Baloney!’ could become, ‘Spam!’

Alyssa Edwards ‘Back Rolls,’ would be turned into Sausage Rolls. From Greggs, obviously. Not vegan.

And instead of Monique addressing ‘America,’ we’d get an equally charismatic Brit queen telling us, ‘Facts are facts, UK!’

Of course, we don’t really want UK versions of the catchphrases that already exist, but we do hope the Brit drag queens will bring some homegrown flavour to their quotable moments, which hopefully won’t be too forced.

No sponges, please.